There’s seemingly no problem that military technology can’t solve. This includes that chronic issue that plagues many married couples: the fearsome and deadly Dutch Oven.
We’re not talking about the iron cooking vessel, but rather the “fart chamber”(as it’s called on Wikipedia) that is formed when you cut one in bed and trap it under the covers. The cruel males among us sometimes do this specifically when someone else is in bed in order to torture them. What can I say? It brings out the immature child in us.
Well, now there’s a solution to the problem. The Better Marriage Blanket, available online for only $29.95 plus shipping and handling, promises to take the Dutch out of that Oven:
The product website claims the blanket is made out of something called “activated carbon fabric,” which is supposedly a material created by the military to combat chemical weapons.
Indeed, it’s true. The patent was issued to the U.S. Army in 1978 and expired in 1995, which means it’s free to use by commercial interests. Activated carbon, of course, is a common material in military fatigues and combat clothing.
I wonder if you could get a pair of boxers made from this stuff?
(Thanks to Frank for the pointer.)